April 22

“If I were a guy, you’d be the type that I’ll marry.”

That’s what someone told me over late dinner last Saturday after our badminton routine. Knowing that my hair was still sticky from sweat and I didn’t even bother to put some powder on my face before dining, I’m pretty sure that wasn’t an impromptu statement based on looks. Ven noted that this person has developed quite a fascination with me. Once, she even offered to help me get a makeover. I guess she believes making me a little more worldly is the answer to the “being single” question. As always, I just smiled. Which most possibly gave the impression that I was just too shy to do anything about it.

I’m not writing this to bash the subject of that story. (I actually think I understand where she’s coming from.) Those who don’t know me personally might even wonder as to what this whole brouhaha is about. What I’m trying to say is that I think I grew tired of hearing people judge me based on what they perceive me to be. Which shouldn’t quite add up because I never tried to defend myself anyway because I never felt the need to. Call it arrogance – because I think that might be it – I allow them to keep their impressions of me, thinking that it will be better for their sakes. And I don’t want to expound on that.

Going back to the first line of this post, when she said that, I wanted to retort, “That’s the idea.” But then she followed that up by saying that if, someday, she’ll learn that I got married and then committed infidelity, she’ll be thoroughly shocked. That made me go, “Well, she’s saying a good thing so let’s leave it at that.” I don’t remember exactly when the conversation around the table shifted to full racy mode, but it somehow brought me back into the loop because of my supposed “conservativeness.” An idea came to me to say something along the lines of “If I tell you I have a very dirty mind, would that make you happy?” I know it would be mean, at least by the way I intended that to be, so I controlled myself and, well, just smiled.

Some people display themselves as an open book; others prefer to keep to themselves. Ultimately, neither way is better because we want different things in life. On our way home, PJ commented that I’m actually the type who’s conservative for myself but is quite liberal for others. Which means I find it OK for other people to have a different value system than my own. That’s true, because who am I to judge? I’m not perfect; no matter how much I try to be.

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