College Jitters
It’s actually more like “Can I still do this?” panic I’m having. No, I’m not going back to college to take advanced studies. My little brother’s about to enter college and I worry that I might have made the choice for him in a way that would backfire big time. You see, with the steep tuition rates in his prospective school (Php1,000 per unit) and the other expenses that come with it, he’s been telling me he’ll pass the opportunity to study in this school and instead look for other options; that is, find other public schools in the city.
I’ve shared how I loved my college life. My two sisters went to the same school and when our brother passed the entrance examinations to the surprise of everyone, most especially himself, I’m only too glad to support him on this endeavor. He was never one to enjoy studying. But he’s a good boy; very reliable on things that matter. That’s not only why I’m taking this responsibility of sending a sibling to college for the third time. I want him to have the best education he can get within the limits of our options and financial capability, which I fear may not be currently existent. But with the help of my sisters, one who’s proving to be better than I am in surviving the corporate world and the other who’s been finding ways to make herself useful while still keeping good grades at school, I’m allowing myself to bravely take on this not so new responsibility. My mother sent me an SMS just today, asking, “Hindi ka ba napasubo?” To which I can only reply, “Bahala na po.”
And that has been the ongoing saga of my life – the many “Bahala na” in the face of tough decisions over limited choices. So far I can’t say that I did very well, but I have no regrets. I may have made a gargantuan problem to solve out of the choices that I’ve made, but I can’t see myself doing things any other way. If this is to be my life’s purpose, then so be it. Maybe when I’m done with all this, I’ll leave everything behind, go back to my parents’ house, and do nothing but count every next sunrise and sunset, and take the longest rest of my life.