All this stood upon her and was the world
and stood upon her with all its fear and grace
as trees stand, growing straight up, imageless
yet wholly image, like the Ark of God,
and solemn, as if imposed upon a race.As she endured it all: bore up under
the swift-as-flight, the fleeting, the far-gone,
the inconceivably vast, the still-to-learn,
serenely as a woman carrying water
moves with a full jug. Till in the midst of play,
transfiguring and preparing for the future,
the first white veil descended, gliding softlyover her opened face, almost opaque there,
never to be lifted off again, and somehow
giving to all her questions just one answer:
In you, who were a child once – in you.-The Grown Up
Rainer Maria Rilke (Trans. Stephen Mitchell)
Have you ever felt like the weight of the world is on your shoulders? It’s not a nice feeling. One, it’s heavy. Two, it’s sad. Three, it’s useless. Because feeling it won’t make the problems go away. I’ve had my ample share of burden that comes with the idea of being a grown up. It makes me hyperventilate at times and the fact that it scares me when it happens gives me hope. It means I still value my existence despite the seemingly never-ending hurdles.
I do not mean to spread gloom and doom; instead, this is my way of telling myself “Get over it!” Because everyone else in the world is busy minding their own hurdles. Everybody goes through their own hard patches, and this is not a contest of who is more miserable. It’s just life.
Self-motivating much? Well, I’ve learned that when you’re a grown up, you pick yourself up when you fall down. Though it would be nice to have someone to scoop you up and take you to a safe place, such things do not happen always. Most of the time, we are alone. And I don’t fear that anymore. It pains me, but it’s OK. Because I’d rather face my dramas than regress back to being a child. Well, when it all gets too much, I go to that place just for a bit – like by crying inconsolably or by hiding inside an empty room and letting out a guttural scream. The last one works like a charm.
though i’ve tried hard getting used to being a grownup and “having the world on my shoulders,” i still miss my “child” days. sometimes i think it helps me to get going, or to rest.
That’s good, mordsith. Nothing wrong with wanting to relive the childhood days. I was an “old” child though, that’s why these days, whenever I feel like I’m taking myself too seriously, I just resort to making fun of my old old self, he he he.
there’s a difference between being childlike and and being childish. in a sense, i think there’s a part of me that will never grow up. it doesn’t mean i’m running away from reality; i just don’t want to lose that part of me — because it allows me to see some things in a different way. being a ‘grown-up’ all the time can sometimes take the fun out of things