I have a lame problem that has a lame solution that I hate for being lame.

What do you do when you can’t stand something but you know you have to stick it out for the good of all mankind? Oh, well, you know there is no such a thing. It’s a pity patience is not for sale because I certainly can use more these days.  If I can buy some, I’ll give it them out, too. I’m no “lightness personified,” either.

“… people take their same old lives wherever they go. No place is perfect enough to strip you of that. And some places have a way of magnifying your demons, or of, I don’t know, giving them pep pills.”

- Julia Glass

For some people, a change in environment, or sometimes an entire lifestyle change, is the only way to make something for themselves without any preconceived notions or expectations. I do not entirely disagree with that, although I imagine circumstances and the amount of change required would vary per person. This thought actually came from a very inconsequential event: At the badminton court one day, another person (this happens to me all the time) approached me to ask me if I’m OK staying in my corner without talking to anyone. I always suppress a laugh at times like that because I get it now. They just don’t get it. But should I take a speech pill from anyone just to make them happy? I sometimes imagine myself going to an entirely foreign place to act like somebody entirely different, someone who can’t stop talking to strangers, just to see how that plan will pan out. Of course, I haven’t taken that thought seriously; it’s too trivial. But I know people who have bigger problems to escape and see running away and making a new life some place else as the only chance for happiness. Despite what I quote, I understand the need for a life reset. I’m just not sure if that’s what I need, particularly.

I didn’t realize until today that X-Files fans (X-philes in fandom terminology) are generally resistant of the new J.J. Abrams show Fringe.  Well, I was at first. Until I gave it a try and realized that it’s a totally different show. Sure, it’s another procedural with a strong female lead who happens to be an FBI agent; there are monster-of-the -week episodes sandwiched between a larger mythology. But there are no aliens here. And there’s no alternate universe in the X-Files. I’ll make a more coherent comparison later on.

What I want to share now is this piece of news that Scully and Mulder (I’m not clear if it’s going to be David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson) will make a special appearance in the season 2 opener of Fringe.  I, for one, will watch out for that, as well as the entire new season of this awesome new show.  If it’s going to happen, I hope it’s going to be something grand, and not have the Mulder-Scully duo do something as mundane as bringing Walter Bishop some cattle supplies.

“What I wanted to do seemed simple. I wanted to create something live and shocking enough that it could stand beside a morning in somebody’s life. The most ordinary morning. Imagine, trying to do that. What foolishness.”

-Richard Brown (from The Hours by Michael Cunningham)

I have no words to describe what I feel about this passage. Fortunately, I can borrow Jonathan Safran Foer’s voice:

“There’s no greater feeling than inspiring someone. That might even be the point of art.”

from The Unabridged Pocketbook of Lightning

“Anyone whose goal is ’something higher’ must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
— Milan Kundera (The Unbearable Lightness of Being)

How do you know if it’s time to let go of a dream ? When do you say that you have to give up a fight? I do not have lofty dreams or big-time aspirations. Someone asked me recently about my plans in life. I do not have a ready answer. Maybe I really have none. But my thoughts are not with myself but with someone else’s plight. It makes me feel like I’m on a fool’s errand, trying to provide encouragement to someone else when I cannot even see the light in my own seemingly never-ending tunnel. Trying to come up with something positive to impart is not as easy as writing a fat burner review, but somehow doing so strengthens my self-affirmation. Of the many ironies in life, I think I just found one of mine in a place where it comes full circle.

I’m sure you have a few funny cab-riding experiences, but I had this one just a few days ago.  I was running late for work, and starting to feel grumpy,  so I decided to take the first cab I saw. By then, however, I decided that I’d just ask for a change in work schedule because I figured I won’t arrive on time anyway, so I got a little bit more relaxed even when the driver suddenly turned for the gas station without warning.  While filling up his car’s gas tank, he asked me: “Are you in a hurry, Ma’am?” I smiled and said, “Not so much.”  He smiled back, “Well, I am.”  I almost laughed at him but decided against it. Having sparked a conversation, he then proceeded to tell me stories as we went along, from his jealous wife, to his ex-girlfriend, to his previous passengers, and later even about affordable term life insurance rates (the amazing thing is, he’s not even an agent). You’d think we were traveling for hours  with the bulk of stories he shared. Truth is, it hardly took 20 minutes. For what it’s worth, I was terribly amused.

I was watching this TV show hosted by a socialite and I couldn’t help but chuckle when I heard her say that “If you want to find yourself, go to Coron.” I found that funny not because I think the poetic take has gone overboard, but because I was planning to do just that – make the trip to Coron – to get some much-needed breather and time away from my stressful world. I mean, it’s not like Caribbean cruises, but I’ll let you all know if I’ll get to find my “other self” there; maybe I’ll even throw a party for her.

1. Tennis is a gentleman’s sport. Women’s tennis is another thing, but I’m talking about the fact that you can’t fault the top players of the sport when in comes to conducting themselves in the tennis courts and in public. You have Federer and Nadal, who both seem to be genuinely nice guys. Now, even the initially brash types like Andy Roddick and Andy Murray have seemed to have matured into respectable, well-mannered individuals.  Some may find that boring, but I don’t. Totally out of topic, but this is a proof that transformation is not boring: Roger Federer before (in a tuxedo shirt in 2003) and after (in a fab suit in 2009).

2. The Williams sister are indeed the best of their lot.  This past Wimbledon made me a fan of Venus. She has the game, the spirit, and the mindset of a true champion. Serena, on the other hand, has the game to unnerve her older sister. The women’s doubles event proved the drawing power of the sister. Centre Court was packed, compared with the poorly attended mixed doubles event (or this can be attributed to the very long match that preceded it – the epic Federer-Roddick final).

3. Several up-and-coming women players are promising, but I still miss Justine Henin. Her game was both powerful and beautiful. Her backhand stroke alone was dubbed as the most beautiful stroke tennis has ever seen, and that’s not a light compliment at all.

4. Doubles is an entirely different game from singles. It’s a shame that power ruled over guile and deft hands during the Williams/Williams vs Stosur/Stubbs match. I was still cheering for the underdog.

5. I really thought Mirka will go on labor during the men’s final. Such tension-filled match.

I imagine myself inside a shrink’s office, lying on one of those comfortable sofas they have in the movies, pouring my heart out … and then I’ll jump up and laugh so hard that I can barely take time to breathe.

Well, that image came from something that I’ve been exerting myself for these past few weeks, or maybe months. The lying on the sofa thing is just wishful thinking because I’d so much rather be on one of those than on this piece of office furniture that’s not enough to make me feel comfortable while writing on a  Saturday evening. Going back to my “scenario”, I’ve been acting like a motivational speaker for a friend who’s in need some encouragement and it is actually odd because, as I already told my friend, I’m not someone with too much positivity left inside, having my own share of struggles and tumbles. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, because I’m actually surprised that I still manage to make light of dire situations and make myself useful to someone who probably just needs someone to listen. I would be lying to say that it’s been such a fun ride because sometimes things like these also take a toll on the one who acts as the “sounding board”, but I’ll be sticking this one out to the end, and I think it will be worth it. It’s not everyday that I get to make use of my strengths, and my weaknesses for that matter,  for the sake of someone who needs exactly what I can give.

My thoughts, I guess. I’m a bit fickle minded these days, too. Last week, while watching Wimbledon, I decided that I am a Maria Sharapova fan because although she lost that round 2 match against Gisela Dulko, she demonstrated the ferocity and fighting spirit that she is well known for. Come the quarters, I saw Sabine Lisicki, a teenager from Germany that they are now calling “the new Steffi Graf”, and I thought that this one’s very good, too, and is definitely to watch out for. Then it was the semis and Elena Dementieva almost beat Serena Williams on their semifinal match and I was also very much impressed. Well, I think I’ll pick Dementieva to cheer for by August during the U.S. Open. During the men’s semis, on the other hand, I was alternately astounded by some Andy Roddick  shots and then some absolutely brilliant winners from Andy Murray, that even though I was never much a fan of either of them, I watched their match in full and at the edge of my seat, so to speak. Despite my frequent change  of hearts on who to root for this past Wimbledon fortnight, one thing remains – I am giddily anticipating Roger Federer’s win tomorrow. Time to break the records. To me, that’s almost a done deal. I’ll drink some from the shower faucet if I’m proven wrong (*fingers crossed*).