I don’t do well in competitions. I guess you can say I don’t have that killer instinct that winners got. I don’t wanna call it having a weak heart but it would be too self-righteous, rather insecure, and possibly not 100% accurate  for me to say that part of it is because I don’t enjoy seeing other people get upset and disappointed when they lose. I am just not competitive by nature.

Which is why it’s ironic that I keep on joining badminton tournaments. Just today, I almost got eliminated from an intercompany badminton tryout because of my passive style of play. But a single point from elimination, I somehow managed to get my stuff together. I was pretty pleased with myself because I felt, for the first time, that I really had to do the mental thing to earn my place. I wanted to hug the fitness equipment around right after that.

Funny thing about Facebook, you realize that you really can’t remember everyone you meet in your life. I keep on seeing familiar names and familiar faces and sometimes I cannot match them. It’s particularly embarrassing when somebody sends you a message talking about stuff that you’re supposed to know but then you realize it has left you. Time passing, what can I say. I used to feel so guilty, but thinking about it too much would just give me reason to make use of the best wrinkle cream. So I’m giving myself a pass. But I need to remember better, too.

I was thinking of that old Whitney Houston song. The one that says the children are our future. I was at a celebration yesterday for a friend’s newborn baby girl, and of course a lot of other colleagues’ children, babies and toddlers, were present as well. It was such a joy to watch them and play with them. Those kids … when they laugh you can’t help but forget about the bad things happening in the world, at least for a few seconds. Because I’m no prophet, I don’t know if I’ll ever have one. Not for lack of want, but this is one thing that I no longer delegate to the must-have, I-won’t-be-complete-without-one category. Truth is, as of right now I don’t have much in the way of that category. It could change in time, but I am just living in the NOW, now. One day I’m sitting at the office, bored to death by the all-too-common tasks at hand, while some day I may be looking at Martha Stewart online, looking for ways to make my family’s home pretty. It may sound outrageous, even on paper, but I do have a romantic streak in me. I may not believe that things are written in the stars, but if something beautiful happens, then I won’t have qualms telling you that, yeah this time it seems they are.

Who needs the best weight loss pill? Well, there has to be one out there, but I believe exercise is still the best way to shed off excess weight. Despite a crazy schedule, I’ve been trying, and failing miserably, to give time to playing badminton. I miss the courts; I haven’t played in more than a month already. So I’m giving the gym another try this time, even just to have an hour or so of cardio exercises several times each week. Despite the lack of time and, admittedly finances, I’m allowing myself this luxury because I need some endorphins! Remember what the blonde girl said? “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy.” Happiness does have a price sometimes.

I imagine myself inside a shrink’s office, lying on one of those comfortable sofas they have in the movies, pouring my heart out … and then I’ll jump up and laugh so hard that I can barely take time to breathe.

Well, that image came from something that I’ve been exerting myself for these past few weeks, or maybe months. The lying on the sofa thing is just wishful thinking because I’d so much rather be on one of those than on this piece of office furniture that’s not enough to make me feel comfortable while writing on a  Saturday evening. Going back to my “scenario”, I’ve been acting like a motivational speaker for a friend who’s in need some encouragement and it is actually odd because, as I already told my friend, I’m not someone with too much positivity left inside, having my own share of struggles and tumbles. It doesn’t seem to matter, though, because I’m actually surprised that I still manage to make light of dire situations and make myself useful to someone who probably just needs someone to listen. I would be lying to say that it’s been such a fun ride because sometimes things like these also take a toll on the one who acts as the “sounding board”, but I’ll be sticking this one out to the end, and I think it will be worth it. It’s not everyday that I get to make use of my strengths, and my weaknesses for that matter,  for the sake of someone who needs exactly what I can give.

It took me some time to update this site again because I was busy with a lot of other things. Convenient excuse, huh?!

Well, I joined a badminton tournament last weekend and although I did enjoy the experience, I mean just being a part of the event, I didn’t enjoy my actual games all that much.  So days before that, I was busy trying to have as many days  of play as I can get in preparation. And then there was the matter of moving out of my current apartment to a new one. I’m pretty excited about moving out/moving in – new place, new surroundings, new neighbors,  new undermount sink, new bathroom, new everything – but the actual process of packing stuff, especially the large ones, is just too exhausting.

Anyway, we’re back on here.  I hope.

Somebody hacked into this site and meddled with the admin rights. Even created a post and deleted some links. Wow. What good would that do? I mean for anyone who’s not me? This blog feels important now, he he. I’m letting it be extra self-involved for a while.

I’ll create a new post later. Will approach my tv stand and go watch some shows for now. I’m really hoping it will not happen again. Pretty, please…

This is a meme from onyxx. It’s supposed to be an award thingie that I should pass on, but for now I’d just really like to make the list. Anyone who will get to read this and want to make your own list, please do. You can leave a comment, if you like, so I can read your favorites, too.

1. Books/Reading. This makes the top of the list and is quite the no-brainer. My earliest memories involve holding a book in my hands and being so fascinated by it – the shape, the texture of the pages, the print inside that I cannot even read yet, the embossed title on the hardbound cover. Then I discovered comics, magazines, and other forms of literature. It was love, and it was the lasting kind. It doesn’t matter if I’m reading on a sofa or on a bed or a bench, or even on area rugs.

2. Music (listening to, singing along). When I was in high school,  I overheard my parents arguing if they should provide restrictions with my use of the cassette player. They were worried about the amount of time I spend beside it more than I do “worthwhile” activities. Besides books, the love of music is the one inherent trait I can claim over my other current fixations that are mostly due to acquired tastes and habits.

3. Racquet sports. I love playing badminton. I think I can safely say I’m a serious player now.  [Although I've always been serious (heh!) and I've been playing badminton for years.]  I’m still not the uber competitive type (which is sometimes important) and my skill level can use more improvement to be at par with my usual company, but I’ve been appreciating the game in the artistic level now – how it can be something of a craft more than just a nifty little hobby.  Which is exactly why I love watching tennis. Watching pros, I don’t just see scores and the ball going back and forth over a net.  I see a battle of wills, artistry with shot making, a display of gallantry and passion. I can say more but that’s enough to justify rank no. 3.

4. Media: TV series, films. It’s all about a good story or an ordinary tale told using extraordinary devices. It’s about finding something to relate to or something that will transport you to another world. It’s about fun and escapism.

5.  The Beach. I once contemplated if I’d rather live somewhere with a good view of the seashore or in the middle of green hills and mountains. My answer came to my mind faster than I can say beach. There’s something about the sea that calms me, even if, to be honest, I’m terrified of it. Maybe it’s that combination of power and mystic that fascinates me so.

6. Internalizing. I do that a lot. I sometimes watch people and play shrink. It makes me crazy, LOL.

7. Internet. Almost ALL of my waking hours are now spent online. Part of my job and my “job.” But it takes the last spot because my enjoyment of it is a direct consequence of my other favorites listed above. I surf the Internet for information about everything else that I love.

I’ve always known, and heard from personal stories of people I know, that it never does good to force a kid to pursue a line of study he or she has no interest in. When my brother passed the entrance examination in my alma mater, everyone in the family were so happy that we sort of all became half deaf to his pleas that he’d rather study somewhere else – in a school that caters to courses that he’d really want to take. I loved that place, and he did, too, for the entire year he stayed there. Now that another academic year is about to start, he told us again that maybe it’s time for him to transfer. He’s been looking at sample sites of IT job search and he realized that IT is where his heart is and where he is now wouldn’t  give him that.  Well,  I agreed with him. Besides, he told me he’d compose music for one of my old poems so how can I not be supportive?

I grew up in a patriarchal family amidst a very patriarchal society, so I’m not certain as to the extent of the feminist advocate I have in me. Sure, I support equal social, political, and all other rights for men and women. But it’s an all-encompassing concept that can be highly controversial when radical tendencies set in. At the same time, I have to be honest and admit that if, in the future, I will decide [inner-dialogue translations: hopeless romantic - I'll find "the one"; realist - I'll get lucky; snarky - I'll get desperate] to start a family of my own, I’m hoping it will be with a guy who can make decisions that I can trust and wholly support (maybe even admire) because I don’t want to be the one who shoulders that responsibility. Is that anti-feminist? Or maybe just plain lazy (j/k)? Here’s a related article from PDI regarding the effects of gender mainstreaming on the emasculation of the fathers and, in effect, the teachings of Christianity.

I was just over at Whedonesque, and I chanced upon a heated discussion about footwear (of all things) in the new Joss Whedon show Dollhouse. A fan questioned the practicality of having a doctor on duty wear high-heeled shoes. Did the costume department do it on purpose to flaunt femininity and entice the male viewers? Was it to follow certain stereotypes? At one point, the main character was wearing a pretty mean-looking pair of boots (not sure if it’s UGG boots; maybe not), while another woman character was walking around barefoot. Somehow, it all meant something, and Joss Whedon himself chimed in to have his say on “the issue that is tearing at the very fabric of my fanbase: shoes.”  Hell, yes, Whedon fans are that passionate about details. And it’s not too much to say that people look to Joss to create strong female characters and role models because that is what he’s famous for, starting, of course, with Buffy (THE Vampire Slayer, duh!).

I will not dwell on the politics of it because I figured feminism is a highly volatile and debatable topic.  All I’ll say is that I do want to live in a world where I, as a member of the female population, can be “awesome” (*in my best Barney Stinson impression*) and not be resented upon (or hindered) by the other sex. All’s fair in all.