“There is such a thing as too much beauty in a woman and it is often a burden as crippling as homeliness and far more dangerous. It takes much luck and integrity to survive the gift of perfect beauty, and its impermanence is its most cunning betrayal.”

-Pat Conroy, The Prince of Tides

I didn’t know that a literature piece can be used this way. I haven’t seen it for myself to put credence to the term ‘butchering’ (it just seemed fit with the theme) so let’s keep the quotes there until this book is out for us to judge, enjoy, and criticize (in whatever order those will come).

Details in my other blog.

On the eve (or the eve of the eve, depending on your time zone) of Dollhouse‘s premier, here’s a promotional picture with the creator, Joss Whedon, and the two leads, Eliza Dushku and Tahmoh Penikett.

Joss Whedon shows have always been rife with ‘controversial’ themes but what I like about it is that they never seem to be a ratings ploy. It’s always about the exploration of the human condition. Sure, TV is all about ratings and keeping things ‘mainstream’, which is probably why Whedon is said to be quitting TV after this one.

Dollhouse has been called the anti-Buffy by some critics who have already watched the first few episodes because it deals with a female character who has no control over her actions. Someone who willingly had her memory erased to be injected with one personality after the other depending on who hires her services (which range from sexual favors to high-profile assassinations). The NPR questioned the premise as possibly the ‘ultimate misogynistic male fantasy’. 

Whedon studied gender studies and feminism in college, and his interest is to “bring the world up to the fact that women are not less physically or morally incomplete beings.” Buffy was all about girl power. You don’t see women in sexy lingerie rolling around a bed just to titillate (when they do that, it’s because they’re under the spell of a demon, and then they kill it).  But, as Joss said, the point in taking the control away from the female lead, in Dollhouse, is for us to be with her as she gets it back. Some fans, however, can almost see the prophetic writing on the wall (Whedon’s last Fox show, Firefly, was cancelled after 12 episodes). There’s the stuff of the network pressure to keep things exciting and, again, mainstream and the writers’ aim of dishing out contemplative stories. My favorite quote so far from Whedon is this:

I believe the best way to examine anything is to go to a dark place. You can’t be a storyteller and a speechwriter at the same time.

The deep parts of my life pour onward,

as if the river shores were opening out.

It seems that things are more like me now,

That I can see farther into paintings.

I feel closer to what language can’t reach.

With my senses, as with birds, I climb

into the windy heaven, out of the oak,

in the ponds broken off from the sky

my falling sinks, as if standing on fishes.

Moving Forward

-Rainer Maria Rilke -

Translated by Robert Bly

I bought a little black book to write on. It hasn’t been touched yet. Funny how I can keep on doing this but can’t make myself write down my thoughts for me. To tell you the truth, it’s too damn scary. What would I say, “Hi self, you can’t make up stories here; you can’t fool me.”

The problem with standing on fishes, I think, is that they are too slippery.

So, this just proves that I can’t start talking about Buffy the Vampire Slayer and not keep on babbling. The show ended in 2003 but the story lives on. In comic books. I’ve read that the Buffy season 8 comics actually caused a spike (no pun intended) in the rate of females reading comics. Geek converts! I haven’t bought anything from the past 22 issues but I am keeping myself up to date, through the Internet of course. I’m not even sure if these are available locally, but like an emergency light in the dark, kind-hearted fans are always willing to scan and share stuff so I get to take a peek. 

The comics serve as the canonical continuation of the TV series, but somehow I don’t really accept that (Dawn’s a giant, then a centaur? Warren is alive, but no Anya, no Tara?). Not even if Joss Whedon says so. Ok, I guess I don’t really have a say in that but the covers are pretty awesome, especially those illustrated by Jo Chen (I mean, really, really awesome!).

Buffy the Vampire Slayer alum Amber Benson has a new book, her first solo novel (it’s actually a 3-book series). She is the co-author of the Ghosts of Albion series, novels based on the BBC Cult animation created, written, and directed by Amber herself (written together with critically acclaimed fantasy writer Christopher Golden).

Reviews have been coming out and it sounds like something I’d totally check out. Ok, that’s also because I’m a total Buffy nut and I think Amber is uber cool, erudite, and talented and all that. I mean, just read her blog. 

Death’s Daughter is an urban fantasy about a sassy heroine who wants to live a normal life but woke up to realization that she is the Grim Reaper’s daughter and that she must save her family (and perhaps the world) by completing three nearly impossible tasks in the realm of the afterlife.

I wonder, if you find out that you are Death’s daughter, wouldn’t you want to take a paternity test just to be sure?  Sorry, that’s so lame [the suggestion, not the book].

Update: There’s an awesome video of Amber’s Writers on Writing panel (taken on February 8 at the New York Comic Con) up at Buffyfest where she talked about the different media of writing and how blogging is changing the world of publishing. It’s pretty neat.

I received a notice from my hosting provider that because they will be changing their hosting plans, I will need to save my files and stuff and upgrade or renew my account. Now, this makes me really nervous because, from experience, when they do upgrades or any kind of changes, and that is when there is no technical problem going on (which actually hasn’t happened in while so I maybe I shouldn’t be complaining?), my site goes offline for as long as I can manage not to pull at my own hair and scream at the sight of their own Web page. Actually, I feel that way after a few days but of course I don’t do it. What, am I crazy? Ok, don’t answer that. I do get the feeling sometimes that blogging is a crazy thing to do. But I also think sometimes that taking weight loss pills is futile and even dangerous; then, I will hear about this amazing acai berry stuff and get interested and curious. I guess I’m just saying that I do change my mind and opinion a lot. No, not a lot. Well, maybe.

Note to self: Don’t broadcast your fickleness. I’m going back to bed and hide my head under the sheets now.

Have you ever wondered if you’re living a double life? I don’t anymore. I’m pretty sure I am. Oh, don’t feel sorry for me. Life’s too short, right? If I’m right, then I get to live mine in double measure.

You get this feeling sometimes that you are meant to live your life one way but then as you move along you’ll find yourself being pulled to a different direction. You thread this line of  living up to expectations while trying to get hold of yourself in a way that you trust that you are the one holding the steering wheel. But sometimes you ask yourself if life isn’t just a big brainwashing session, and that whatever you do to your belief system as you grow up and grow old, none of it is yours. You will believe one thing; another person will believe another. Both of you will convince yourselves and others that you know what you know. Then someone out there, if such misfortune befalls you while you can still open your eyes to view the world with discretion, will prove that you have both been fooling yourselves.

When I talk in the third person, it makes me feel like I’m not sure about what I’m talking about. It also makes me feel less responsible for it – like I’m taking myself away from my own line of thought.

I feel kind of neutered sometimes. It’s my safe place. But one can’t always be safe. The classic paradox of the “unstoppable force meeting an immovable object” will strike you in one way or another. You just don’t know when you’ll get to be the force and when you’ll get to be the object. What’s worse, you’ll never know when you’ll get to be the bystander as these things happen to those around you.

There’s no such thing as complete neutrality. I can’t be drawn to the hustle and bustle of the city life with all the lights & sounds and steel buildings and yet long for the tranquility and simplicity of the countryside. At some point, I’ll have to decide to settle somewhere. No, it’s not about identity. It’s about acquiescence and where to place it without causing your heart to protest too much.

Oh, no. I’ve said too much. Yet, why do I feel like I haven’t said enough?

I once saw this job ad saying that the person who should apply must be Internet savvy. I didn’t know what that meant so, naturally, I didn’t apply for the position. How time can change a person – for better or for worse. Now the only thing I need to be truly savvy is a Rackmount lcd.

Yesterday, I had an interesting Internet experience. I’m still a bit pudified about it because I think I brought hordes of people to a particular site I was looking out for. It’s not really a bad thing because visibility and promotion is good (and it may actually be the point of the site) but I kinda felt like an online stalker just because I discovered something before hundreds of others did.

Anyway, here’s another something I want to spread the word about. If you noticed the italicized word somewhere in the above paragraph, it’s a word I adopted from http://www.savethewords.org/. Go save some words now. Adopt some and use them, K?

You get a little moody sometimes but I think that’s because you like to read. People that like to read are always a little f*ck3d up.

— Pat Conroy (The Prince of Tides)

[Z: Can I do that with quotes? They say swear words affect domain visibility (*shrugs*).]