Scully: Look, we’re always running. We’re always chasing the next big thing. Why don’t you ever just stay still?
Mulder: I wouldn’t know what I’d be missing

The X-Files Season 7 (Episode: All Things)

Sometimes I can’t help but envy people like these two – those who always run towards the next (bigger) goals and/or projects; those who continue searching; those who’d rather expend every energy in their body trying to make each moment productive instead of just wallowing away under a tree, eternally waiting for a fruit to drop. But people are always searching – for earthly treasures, for that elusive dream, for a soulmate. Now if only I can find the latter faster than Dennis Carey can find the next big-shot business person – what he call the “human capital and intelligence.” But I learned from Marissa Tomei and Robert Downey, Jr., that there is no such thing as Destinare. Destiny is finding a guy who sells shoes when you’re searching for a prince who is searching for a foot that fits the shoe. Cinderella already had that plot so we have to make our own. There still may be happy ever after even for those who quit the chase and pretend not to care about “not knowing what they would be missing.”

This may be more of TPS‘s turf but I must say that I’ve always had this fascination with psychology. Had I been born in another place or perhaps in another time, I probably would have made use of my Biology degree to pursue studies, if not a career, in psychotherapy. Had I not been feeling that I, too, need some fixing, I probably had turned into an obnoxious friend (or somebody) who lives to dissect the lives of others and explain to their faces why they behave the way they behave.

Once, during a period of personal turmoil, I turned to self-help books and found solace in 500-pages worth of psychobabble after psychobabble. I finished a book called Emotional Alchemy: How the Mind Can Heal the Heart, and though it failed to turn me into a New Ager or a Buddhist, it did give a lot of insights that I learned to appreciate. It’s P700 worth of “therapy.”

In the just-ended season of Grey’s Anatomy, Meredith Grey’s conversations with her therapist has been the one reason why I got back into watching the series. I caught these lines and I was again hooked:

You know people run away from this line between life and death. You seem to stand on it and wait for a strong wind to sway you one way or the other. You’re careless with your life. You’re not slitting your wrists but you’re careless. Probably because your mother told you you were a waste of space on this planet. The problem is you believed her. And if you don’t want out one of these days you’re going to die because of it.

- Dr. Katharine Wyatt to Meredith Grey

To have the power to say something like that. To break a person further so you can start building the puzzle. (I wonder how they sleep at night.) When Meredith finally admitted that she does need help, I wanted to join her in chorus when she said “So you think I’m broken? Fix me. Let’s go!.”

My friend, who’s my age (a fact that has been a cause of some discussions and fun jesting among our group), will get married tomorrow. Congrats again, Rizza and Carlo!

For our gift, we gathered our resources to send the newly weds to Palawan, a place they’ve long been dreaming to visit (at least we’re assuming they are or else I’m just thinking about my own dream, he he, he). I’ve been volunteering myself as a “chaperone,” but I’m sure they don’t even want an alalay at this point. But, boy, do I want to go to Palawan someday.

Hotel Reservation Sites are abundant in the Internet, so travelers have plenty of options when looking for accommodations. Besides these, there are relevant blogs that even show pictures and day-by-day, spot-by-spot descriptions of tourist attractions so you won’t have to fear many “unexpecteds” when you get to your destination. Hotels Combined is one example of such site. If you want to roam the Philippines, they have our most visited cities and islands there. If you prefer to travel abroad, no problemo! You can even check out reviews of previous clients if you’re curious enough. I say it’s “One site to search them (hotels) all; one site to book them.” Here’s some more info about the Web site. If you have a blog, especially a travel blog, you can even apply as an affiliate. You promote the site, then you earn. Pretty cool, huh?!

Especially with the recent airline offerings of “zero” (local) airfare, now is the best time to get that much needed vacation! Although, it’s beginning to rain daily already. But you can’t really trust the weather these days when scheduling your travel itinerary. So to my other friends planning their respective vacations and out-of-town trip, I’ll tag along hopefully next year. Do enjoy your trips.

I wasted much of the long weekend that passed watching the last episodes of House M.D. season 4. I’ve taken notes in my head of some quotes I’d most likely want to expatiate, but then I got struck by this recurring condition called “aversion to banality” that the only line that seems clear to me now is “Hope is for sissies.” Ah, and I just watched Kung Fu Panda yesterday and actually had a great time!

Times like these, I usually come up with big metaphors to paint the even bigger picture that actually only translates into something like Edvard Munch’s The Scream. Because my love affair with metaphors started with my 1st year high school English class, I don’t think I’ll ever get over it. But for now, here’s my big House quote :

Evan Greer: I just wanna do something…that matters.

Dr. House: Nothing matters, we’re all just cockroaches, wild beasts dying in the riverbank, nothing we do has any lasting meaning.

Evan Greer: And you think I’m miserable.

Dr. House: You’re unhappy on the plane, jump out of it.

Evan Greer: I want to but…I can’t.

Dr. House: Hmm…that’s the problem with metaphors, they need interpretation. Jumping out of the plane is stupid.

Evan Greer: What if I’m not in a plane? What if I’m just in a place I don’t want to be?

Dr. House: That’s the other problem with metaphors. Yes, what if you’re really in an ice cream truck, and outside are candy and flowers and virgins? You’re on a plane! We’re all on planes. Life is dangerous and complicated, and…it’s a long way down.

I’ll probably regret saying this, but I think I might be in a place I don’t want to be. And that’s as straightforward as I can put something I don’t want to admit, even to myself. A few times when I’m stressed out, I get this overwhelming feeling of wanting to have a smoke or buy myself a couple of bottles of vodka. Once while in line waiting for a cab, the lady in front of me lit a cigarette and I didn’t even attempt to turn away from the fumes coming out of that thing she kept holding almost right next to my face. Most times, I’d be repulsed, but I was feeling miserable then. Then I saw her toddler standing right next to her, inside the trolley, looking at her mother’s face with awe and the fascination of the truly innocent, and I came to my senses. I don’t know if always coming to my senses is doing me any good. But reason tells me I should just be glad I still have some to spare.

Dear Leonard. To look life in the face, always, to look life in the face and to know it for what it is. At last to know it, to love it for what it is, and then, to put it away. Leonard, always the years between us, always the years. Always the love. Always the hours. – Virginia Woolf to her husband Leonard

The lives of quiet desperation tend to roar more deafeningly even when they cease. Loneliness lingers – in their art, in the lives they’ve affected and shattered, or in the ghosts of memories. The Hours is a film that offers no absolution. There is no joy whatsoever here. But there is beauty in the way everything was laid out, even in the lack of hope or just the mere illusion of it. You can expect nothing less from actresses of the caliber of Meryll Streep, Julianne Moore, and Nicole Kidman (who won the Oscar for portraying Virginia Woolf). Each was effective in her own role; each was affectingly pathetic. In the words of Virginia, each was “living a life I have no wish to live.”

One critic wrote that “Stephen Daldry’s The Hours suffers from misleading ideas about love, life, and death, some of which stem from its source novel by Michael Cunningham. But it remains the best-acted film of 2002, boasting one of the most spectacular casts I’ve ever seen in one movie. It seamlessly sews together three complicated and emotionally demanding storylines. And it works like the best poetry, giving us room to explore ideas and issues instead of narrowing itself to simple moral lessons.”

I remember one morning getting up at dawn, there was such a sense of possibility. You know, that feeling? And I remember thinking to myself: So, this is the beginning of happiness. This is where it starts. And of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me it wasn’t the beginning. It was happiness. It was the moment. Right then. – Clarissa Vaugn

Happiness, they say, is fleeting. But it is what everyone wants. What everyone is ultimately demanding from life in whatever form it may come. And when it hides its face, some people make drastic choices, convinced they don’t have any. Some choose life. Some choose death. If one is leaning towards the latter, then stay away from this movie. It can be more than just disturbing. For even when one chose life, she didn’t find happiness.

It would be wonderful to say you regretted it. It would be easy. But what does it mean? What does it mean to regret when you have no choice? It’s what you can bear. There it is. No one’s going to forgive me. It was death. I chose life. -Laura Brown

In two weeks time, a friend of mine is getting married. We’ve been counting down the days and I’m getting into the mood by having in my playlist the songs she chose for the ceremony. This one’s not on her list but besides Ikaw (words by George Canseco and music by Louie Ocampo), this song, I believe, is one that fits the event to a T. Albeit it’s a bit gasgas na to the married folks of old. It’s a true classic – one of the best written (by George Canseco) in the vernacular as far as romaticism is concerned.

Dahil kaya sa ‘yo ng maitadhanang

Ako’y isilang sa mundo

Upang sa araw-araw ay siyang makapiling mo

Upang ngayon at kailanman

Ikaw ay mapalingkuran hirang

Bakit labis kitang mahal

Pangalawa sa Maykapal

Higit sa ‘king buhay

Malilimot ka lang

Kapag ang araw at bituin ay di na matanaw

Kapag tumigil ang daigdig at di ‘na gumalaw

Subalit isang araw pa matapos ang mundo’y nagunaw na

Hanggang doon magwawakas pag-ibig kong sadyang wagas

Ngayon at kailanman

Ay, corny ko! . More Canseco after the cut…
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Expectators are now looking for Nadal’s biceps to swallow Roger Federer whole for the fourth straight year at Roland Garros but I’m keeping the dream alive.

One match at a time, Fed. He’s through to the second round after defeating American Sam Querrey today. Let’s wait until the end of the fortnight to see whose predictions will come true. I’m betting on Federer to win his first French Open title. This may be his last chance, anyway. Take a hike, Rafa.

When I went home last night, I saw a toad again at the foot of the stairs on the way to my apartment. I realized now that it’s the rainy season that brings them. And just because I’m in no mood to create anything in the meantime, I’m rehashing an old post from my other blog:

I came home late from work for the third time this week. What greeted me at the foot of the stairs on the way to my apartment was a familiar sight. Not that it was a welcome sight, but it was there the last two times I came home late. I stopped in my tracks, and for a moment was undecided if I should go on or go back.

Should I be worrried?

No. It was just a frog.

Should I be worried that seeing it again is the highlight of my week?

Yes, I should be.

As I shoo it away and went by my business, I remembered all those unfortunate frogs that fell victim to our Biology class back in college. Proof that I did mankind a favor by not taking up medicine: During a practical examination, we had to pith a frog (inserting a needle in the frog’s vertebrae to destroy the spinal cord, thus paralyzing the animal) before dissection, to identify the muscle parts. I always had a lab partner to do the deed in the previous meetings so I was lost when left to my own devices. No matter how hard I try, I couldn’t find that point on the back of the frog’s head where I should start to go in. What happened was I got too tense because of the time restriction and my own inadequacy that while my classmates were already starting to remove the skin of their frogs, mine was still wriggling in my hand, in my utter desperation and helplessness. We were not allowed to wear gloves, that sadistic teacher!

I never really liked animals close up (on TV some are cute), much less the real Kermit! But imagine that, every Biology class, we had to go to the prep room to each get one sample from this huge container filled with jumping toads! Que horror!

Now, just not to raise the eyebrows of some science geeks out there, I’m actually talking about toads. I just happen to like writing frogs more. Whatever! They’re not really the same.

So let’s go back to my frog, errr, toad. The next time I see it, I’m telling my landlady!

I was asking for a fairy tale. I won’t take this for an answer!

The two great life forces are anger and love. I say bring them both. – Alanis Morissette

This is one of my favorites from her – Perfect.

Heh, life’s been churning out quite a lot of surprises for me and I’m a little disoriented.

- I agreed to partner with ven for our home court’s first anniversary badminton tournament. I didn’t think I’ll have the guts.

- Justine Henin retires. Why, Justine, why?! No no.1 ranked player has done such a thing. Now that TheFed’s running low in gas, too, who will I cheer for? Sad.

- I thought I’ve been handling work duties just fine until I started dreaming abour workmates with me waking up feeling stressed and tired. The most vivid one was when I dreamt about having a spat with my boss; I was shouting and crying at the same time, saying that “I’m so tired; I can’t do more work anymore!” Gah, I woke up with a bad migraine and had to take the day off. Talk about releasing stress, heh!

- I didn’t know nor expected that I achieved a 4.0 (met all or exceeded expectations) “grade” in the office. Should I start jumping up and down now? *snicker* Hey, they gave us free massages! Apparently, there’ll be a photo-op. I’ll try to convince them to use my warped photo instead.

- A friend managed to pull off the best surprise of all – announcing her wedding just a month before the actual date. We had no idea! Congrats Rizza and Carlo!