I wish I have something to say, but I don’t. In the past two weeks, I was faced with a family crisis—involving close relatives—and I chose to not say so much, in the process further alienating people who probably expected something from me that I was not able to deliver. If I was the “absent” relative before, I think I’ve become the “disinterested” relative now. And it’s sad because I am not really as apathetic as I seem, but I can’t blame anyone else because I really haven’t done anything to dispel that notion. I really shouldn’t be writing about this here because it’s too personal, even without the details, but I guess I have a need to see it “written on paper.” As a sort of “soul cleansing,” not akin to colonetix treatment. Maybe if I read my own words, I’ll realize my misgivings. I’m trying to shake up something in me to see if there’s something wrong: why my core is not fully susceptible (though not totally immune) to the blame, or in the very least the disappointment, that I even accept I deserve. I became hardened, true. I guess my problem is that I have come to accept it about myself and I can’t, and shouldn’t, expect others to understand the same.

I realized that I haven’t really tried to upload pictures directly to this site, and it’s a shame considering that I actually have unlimited storage from my hosting plan. So, here are a few pictures I took from my phone (BlackBerry Storm 2) camera during my short trip to Singapore last week. They won’t tell you much besides that I just did some point-and-shoot exercise without really aiming to “frame” anything in particular, and that Singapore is a really, really clean city (Also maybe that my phone camera isn’t all that great.) I really hope I can go back there soon. I’m even planning to buy a traveling bag as soon as I get to a mall (maybe one of those carrying bags that look like an ergo baby carrier).

I bought a planner for this year, and despite my sister’s ogling I wrote my name on it and started writing weekly and monthly to-do lists and even a to-accomplish-by-the-end-of-the-year list. Then I took on as many job assignments as I can get and before I know it, it’s now the third month and I’m nowhere near accomplishing half of my January goals.

The good news for me is, I’m counting down the days before our big trip next week.  I’m taking five days off so yay me! Maybe this will give me a good chance to refresh and have a clearer perspective of where I’m going next. Not exactly my next trip, although I wouldn’t say no to a chance to stay in luxury new york city hotels someday, but more on building a clearer life plan than just working my butt off every single day while waiting for other (good) things to happen. Let’s see what a few days without having all these manuscripts to think about can do for me.

I’ve always felt like I am bad at giving gifts, first because I’m used to shopping for myself on a rush and mostly acting on whims or on an urgent need. The past few times I had to buy gifts, they’re for babies and little kids, and although one might think that’s easier, I had to wrestle with the idea that what I found “cute” may not be so for the mothers of my receivers. But now I think I know where to look for next. Since everyone loves to keep, well, keepsakes, I think looking for baby keepsake boxes is a good way to start. I think those will be really cute gifts.

Primetime soap operas are by design outrageous. The storylines go to every imaginable direction, just to drag them out and keep the story going for 30 minutes a day, five times a week. I find myself watching a lot of them lately just because they follow the night news program, and I decided that I’ll make myself start watching  the news just so I’ll stay abreast with current events. At least it started that way – I was too lazy to change channels so I left the TV on and while doing some other things, such as my editing work, some household chores, or some other trivial things like making use of my blackhead removal strips, I eventually got the habit of watching everything the local channel has to offer until I get too sleepy that I have to go to bed. I still think they’re outrageous, but it doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy watching them for what they are.

So there’s this credit card company that has been advertising a promo about a free iPod shuffle when you get approved of owning one of their plastic cards. Although I don’t need an iPod, I still applied just because … why not? Anything free is welcome, especially something that’s worth Php2,500 (USD ~58), not to mention the use of an additional credit line for me. I received the confirmation of approval about 2 months ago, and after 3 follow ups and changes in my billing address to make everything more accurate and specific (just in case the courier just couldn’t find where I live), I still haven’t got my card and hence I couldn’t take advantage of their promo that’ll soon be over. The first time I called, they said an attempt at delivery was made but I was not home, which is not true because I’m always home and I’m definitely home when they said the courier was supposed to have made the delivery. Now, I’m not that excited for the iPod, but I don’t appreciate this kind of crap. A friend had the same experience with the card company (with a different “promo”), and now I’m convinced they’re trying to fool consumers by manipulating the delivery times so that card holders will receive their cards when they can no longer avail of the freebies. I may be wrong; but if I’m not, what a shameful practice! If only I can convert my exasperation into the  best fat burner I can use, so I’ll get something out of the experience .

When you live in a tough place, in tough conditions, and you don’t know (more so experienced) any other way of living, does it make it OK? Of course not. It’s heartbreaking to be reminded of what you have and what you could have had were you born somewhere else, and it’s heartbreaking to be reminded of what people less lucky than you have to deal with every single day. I found this BBC documentary a friend shared in Facebook and I’m linking all videos here to archive them. I don’t have an answer as to the why life is not fair -- why some people worry about their homes’ plantation shutters while others have to scour for the most basic of the basic needs to continue living. It’s a tough world, sure; but I hope one day we Filipinos will get lucky and finally see some change.

I mean that title literally. I am aghast sometimes to realize that I can’t remember some words when I need them, when I know even as I am struggling to remember that they are very simple words that anyone would use in everyday conversation. Obviously, for someone who work with words on an everyday basis, it’s not a good thing. I even have this game I downloaded through the Mac App Store — it’s called WordCrasher, a kind of  a tactile word game — and I hate it when I can’t compose more than 3-letter words, under pressure regardless. Well, I don’t really expect myself to be able to come up with a word like oxyelite all the time, but at least I should go beyond “bin,” “shoe,” “tax,” etc. See what I mean?

Thank you, Adele, for reminding me what good music sounds like

Rolling in the Deep

Chasing Pavements

Make You Feel My Love

I can only hope that she does a world tour soon, especially since her new album 21 just got released. I’ll not miss it for the world! In fact, I’ll start saving now and maybe even forgo that cellulite treatment I’ve been eyeing on another website.

I had 5 coupons for P700 worth of food each at Barrio Fiesta. We were supposed to use them for our parents’ anniversary last January but their staff and I apparently didn’t understand each other when I called for a reservation so we came there at the time when the restaurant was closed for a private party. So what to do with all those coupons (Php3,500 worth of food and drinks)? My siblings and I (there are 4 of us) ordered as much food as we can eat, and more. Because the coupons are not valid for takeout, we just let them serve all the food that we meant to takeout and then had them bagged before we left the place. It’s far from wasteful, although you’d think I’ll buy food storage as well, because what I took home lasted the whole day that followed.