There’s one nagging question at the back of my head these last few days — Is this it? Is the isolation that working from home brings now getting to me?

I’ve been feeling mildly restless, despite the continuous work, which usually keeps me preoccupied to let any other thoughts or, despite my best efforts to fend them off, feelings of doubt and get in the way. Do I need to go out? With friends, perhaps? I already did that and it did bring some respite, although even while we were having fun and I’m aware that that was my chance to assess what I’ve been missing, I know I still believe I made the right move. I tell you, being down in the dumps for no other reason except for not having a reason to feel anything else is one of the worst feelings in the world. And it’s nothing more than that. Malayo sa bituka (It wouldn’t kill you). Still, I wish I only have how to get rid of pimples as a predicament. That would have been simpler and has a more direct answer.

This will pass; I know it will. Maybe as soon as I wake up tomorrow, or maybe much later than I am hoping for. But I knew this will come and that this would not be the end of it. I signed up for this; it’s part of the deal. Now where’s that Ambien?

Because I live near the main road, I often hear blaring sirens of firetrucks or ambulances and they always give me an uneasy feeling. Firetrucks passing by are not uncommon in the city where I live, especially during summer time when the very hot weather further contributes to the risk of fires in residential and commercial areas.

Just this Tuesday noon, I heard the sirens again while having my lunch. The number of trucks that seem to have passed and the level of noise made me curious.  I immediately thought that something is happening nearby. I rushed to our apartment compound’s third floor—a common area for tenants—to see if there’s anything I can view from there. True enough, I saw thick smoke coming from a distance. Sadly, fire hit a residential compound several blocks away and from where I stood, it’s apparent that it was a huge fire. Later that night, news reports gave the number of houses affected to be 70, with about 200 families affected by the calamity.

Something like that happens almost everyday these past few weeks, and you can’t blame anyone from being paranoid. Even if you live in steel buildings, you’ll still have reason to worry, and more so to be wary and alert. I’d rather be paranoid than sorry, any day.

Here’s another plan I’m not sure will push through (see my last post): I’ve written on my 2011 planner that before this year ends, I’ll learn how to drive. I haven’t decided yet if I’ll actually buy — or even start thinking about buying — my own car. But I sure would like to enroll in a professional driving school and then I’ll take it forward from there.

When I was in high school, and not even old enough to get a student’s license,  my father tried — with emphasis on tried because looking back I realized we were both not ready then, me to learn and him to teach me about driving (we had an owner-type jeep, so if you’re familiar with that type of vehicle, you’ll know even our “wheels” probably wasn’t a good fit; do you think if I was trying to learn on a toyota rav4, that would’ve been better?). I was too eager and too daring, and my father thought it’ll come easier for me (he is a fantastic driver as far as I’m concerned). So, to cut the long story short, I learned how to control the steering wheel, accelerate, and step on the break, but not how to make smooth turns and change gears. Yeah, I didn’t really learn how to drive, and now that I’m more than old enough to try again, I’m still a bit apprehensive mainly because I’m not sure I have enough courage to go side by side with other Manila drivers. I can only imagine how scared I’d feel beside all those buses along EDSA, not to mention how I’d keep from closing my eyes while cruising a narrow and curvy overpass, or those steep paths to mall parking spaces. I don’t think even driving a volvo xc70 can make me feel safer.

Considering the price of gas these days, it seems impractical to buy a car. But getting a cab every time I need to go somewhere isn’t that much of a better option either. Of course, public transportation is the cheapest alternative, but it’s not always easy when you’re running out of time, or carrying multiple bags of groceries, or hearing about exploding buses.

I guess I’ll have to weigh the pros and cons, but I’ll deal with that later. I won’t even think about that kia rondo I saw on TV this week. I say, I’ll try to get to that driving school first, and if the experience turns out to be good for me, then it’s when I’ll seriously consider buying a car.

I don’t know if I’m just really bad with travel plans or if I just don’t commit to them enough, that’s why a lot of my so-called “plans,” usually with other people and other people’s schedules involved, tend not to push through.

My two sisters and I are scheduled to go on a trip on the 3rd week of March. We’ve already paid for the plane tickets — and they’re nontransferable and nonrefundable. I’m all set to scout for canon camcorders for the purpose of this trip, but things are looking rather bleak about this plan. Both my sisters are facing some possible scheduling problems, one work-related and the other personal. Except for my feeling of regret over the plane tickets, I’m not really that much bothered if we’ll have to reschedule or worse not go to our supposed destination at all. I guess I’ve become too used to this (cancellations, foiled plans). Or nothing really excites me anymore, which really sounds sad if I think of it. So for now I won’t think about it and just wait for the day to come.

I don’t want to complain again that I have no time for a lot of things. In fact, I won’t. I realized that I’ll never really get that time I can call “extra” because of the choices that I tend to make; it’s not even a bad realization, it’s just something that I have to accept or else accept that I need to make some adjustments. Again. The thing is, if I have, say, 1 month of free time when I can do anything I want except for work, I can imagine I would get so bored and that I’ll wish for it to be over after a few days; ok, maybe a week. What I’m sure though is that time, and what you do with it, will always matter. I’d like to believe that I’m using mine in the best way possible (although my use of time these days is making me increasingly in need of adapexin-p). I’m loving my work, and for now I don’t mind using the bulk of my 24-hour days for it. It may change, or may need to change, someday. But, for now, call me a workaholic.

For sure you’ve heard about this game called Angry Birds, right? Well, it’s so addicting that when a version for Mac finally came out, I bought it the same day it was released. It’s not like I play a lot of games — although when I was young, I was absolutely nuts about Super Mario Bros — but I really find arcade games (I think that’s what they call it) fun. I never really understood network and strategy games, anyway. I’ve never even touched an xbox 360 or tried any of those popular network games. But Angry Birds? I’m done with it, and I can’t wait to try Fruit Ninja next.

I am almost as big a Justine Henin fan as I am a Roger Federer fan. I love artistry in tennis, and in my mind those two are the ultimate artists of the game. Sure, their athletism is also at the highest levels, and other players have that, too, but their game (how they play) is what I enjoy the most about watching them.

So it is with a heavy heart that I read Justine’s open letter to her fans, which also served as the official announcement of her retirement, after a generally disappointing (for her, for sure) comeback in 2010 — she fell to injury at Wimbledon, soon after a promising start at the Australian Open where she was a finalist. No matter how many retirement gifts come pouring in, I can imagine this is not how she imagined things will play out. Maybe her injury is irreversible, or maybe she didn’t want to deal with the long recovery and attempt to go back to the top, which will surely be an almost impossible task by now, but her fans can only appreciate that she tried to come back and that we got reminded, however briefly, of her brilliance.

I’ve been closely following this year’s Australian Open, thanks to my new “work arrangement” and thanks to Star Sports — I think only the Australian Open and Wimbledon are shown in my cable channels; I have to rely on Internet streaming when it’s time for the French Open and the US Open. As someone who’s been following tennis for a few years, I can say with confidence that the level of play in this first Grand Slam for the year has been really, really good, both in the women’s and the men’s side. There have been a number of interesting matches, but my favorite so far is Francesca Schiavone versus Svetlana Kuznetsova, which made history as the longest women’s match at a Grand Slam (4 h, 44 min). The quality of the tennis there at the end was astounding, considering both women must be dead tired by that last set (3rd).

This is also a time for being reminded of tennis commercials, and one of my classic favorites is that of Steffi Graf using her racket and tennis balls as some sort of cooking tools. These are from the early 90s.

I just came from my passport renewal appointment and I must say that despite some miscalculations on my part, which made the process took a little more time than I planned or expected, I am still happy overall with the way things went. The first time I applied for a passport was 2003; I didn’t have much use of it except for the occasional  need for a valid identification. There were already a huge number of people at the DFA’s office when I arrived. The good thing is, we’ve somehow caught up with the technological advances over the past few years so the entire process goes rather fast and smoothly compared with my experience before, thanks to automated number calling and computerized processing. There’s still a lot of room for improvement, but I’m a satisfied customer. The only thing I regret is leaving my iPod at home. I could’ve made good use of it, although I had a magazine with me and was able to read everything from apidexin reviews to entertainment and world news.

Home cooking is something I wish I have time to do, although that’s far from being the best appetite suppressant for women. I used to have a real interest in cooking, even though I only prepare simple meals because I have no patience for elaborate foods unless someone else will prepare all ingredients and stuff and all I’ll do is put them together. That sounds so lazy, but I don’t think I’m hopeless in this area. If I have the time, I’ll probably have the will to get into it. [Although that's just like saying I'll never learn to do some complex cooking.] I remember when I was in high school, I used to collect those recipes at the back of Del Monte products. I rarely experimented then, though, because I always worried about wasting my parents’ money if things go ka-boom. Maybe I’ll try looking for a recipe online one of these days. All things great start with small beginnings. Maybe all I need is a start, even I don’t turn out great.